Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes

Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes

Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes. Mitch Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 29, 2005) was a comic genius known for his deadpan one liner jokes. The need for a fine wine to be aged is illustrated above in the classic quote, “I saw this wino. He was eating grapes. I was like, Dude… you have to wait.”

Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes

Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes. No topic seemed to be off limits, but a favorite subject of many of his comedy routines over the years highlighted bars and alcohol related humor. Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes. Here are a few of his absurdly funny drinking observations:

  • I like to drink before the show. I have a couple drinks before I go on stage. My manager is cool, he gets concerned though. He says, “Mitch, don’t use liquor as a crutch.” I can’t use liquor as a crutch because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely screws up the way I walk. It ain’t like a crutch, its like a step I didn’t see.
  • Alcoholism is a disease, but its the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. Provocative. Dammit Otto, you’re an alcoholic. Dammit Otto, you have Lupus. One of those two doesn’t sound right. Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes.
  • If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink because it would be solid. Here’s a drink, Mitch – it’s ice cold. I guess I could lick it.

Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes

  • Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes
    Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes

    Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes.  When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out. Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes

  • I like to drink red wine. This girl asked me, “Doesn’t red wine give you a headache?” Yeah, eventually, but the first and the middle part are amazing. I’m not going to stop doing something because of what happens at the end. Mitch, do you want an apple? No, because eventually it’ll be a core.
  • One time I had a Jack and Coke and it had a lime in it. I saw that the lime was floating. That’s good news man. Next time I’m on a boat and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. I’ll be waterskiing without a life preserver on and people will be saying, “What the hell,” and I will pull out a lime. And a lemon too. I’m saved by the buoyancy of citrus. Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes
  • They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There’s more to it than that. Want some more homemade Sprite? Not until you figure out what else is in it.

Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes

Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes
Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes
  • Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes. I spilled some vodka on the carpet, and I vacuumed it up, and the vacuum got drunk. I had to take the Hoover to detox. Mitch Hedberg Wine Jokes.
  • I would imagine the inside of a bottle of cleaning fluid is really clean. I would imagine a vodka bottle is really drunk.
  • Look, she brought me a shot. Don’t cheer when people drink liquor, cheer when they take a vitamin. They say Flintstones vitamins are chewable. All vitamins are chewable. They just taste nasty.
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  • I like to chase my liquor with stuff that sucks worse than the liquor so that I drink more liquor. Hey, I’m gonna have a shot of vodka, then I’m gonna have a shot of oil. Damn man, give me that vodka now.
  • If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

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